Baba says, “Children, you have to die alive.”

For half a cycle, I lived selfishly– it was all about ‘I’ and ‘mine’. My thoughts, words, attitude, feelings, actions were all based on one thing: What’s in it for me? I was good to people who I thought I needed in my life and ignored the rest. When those whom I was good to were no longer useful to me, I ignored them too. Others did the same with me. I sought out people and pursuits that I believed would bring me name, fame, comfort and recognition. In short, I didn’t belong to anyone but myself. There was just one problem with this approach, though. It didn’t make me happy; rather, it made me miserable. Why? Because the inherent nature of the soul is to give, to share, to bestow. But all I was doing was take, take and take. In other words, living selfishly is the exact opposite of the true nature of the soul and as a result of this mis-alignment, I remained restless, uncomfortable, uneasy and unhappy.

God came at this most auspicious confluence age and gave me insight. He said: “You are a soul. You forgot this truth and have been living body consciously. It is this wrong consciousness that compels you to think, speak and do things that bring you sorrow. Now, become soul conscious again.“

In order to unlearn all the wrong things that have become ingrained into me over half a cycle and start acting the right way, I need a reference. That reference is God. So, in addition to considering myself a soul, He also says, “and make yourself belong to Me alone.” This is the meaning of Manmanabhav. This is also what is meant by dying alive. All this time, I made myself belong to my ‘ego’, incorrectly believing that to be me. Now, I learn to belong to the real me again by making myself belong to the Father. I learn from Him what it means to be me, a pure soul: how to think, what to speak, what is right and wrong, what are pure feelings and what are negative emotions, what is elevated, uplifting behavior and what is degraded or mediocre. I learn about me and how to be me, from Him.

As my Teacher and Satguru, He teaches me right from wrong and guides me at every step, in every situation and circumstance all the time while sustaining me with love as my Father. The power of the purity of His love enables me to realize when I am thinking, saying, feeling or doing something wrong without feeling condemned. This is why the first step has to be: belonging to the Father as His beloved child. Without this intimate belonging, I won’t be able to confront my own darkness, let alone overcome it. His love lets me know that I am okay and that He is right here with me as I learn the right way. As He helps me identify the wrong and shows me the right, it is then up to me to choose. I can continue to do wrong or take the step of courage to choose the right way.

When I choose the right- for example, when I choose to apologize for behavior that I previously thought was justified, it feels as if I am dying inside. When I decide to be the peacemaker in the house when it clearly wasn’t my fault, it feels like I am dying inside. When I choose to give respect to someone who routinely disrespects me and others, it feels like I’m dying inside. When I choose to follow the directions of a team-lead who is clearly less qualified than me, it feels like I am dying inside. But when I choose to do it anyway, God matches that one step of courage with multimillion steps of His own. He matches my determination to do the right thing with His enormous will-power such that I emerge victorious. So this dying to the old self, to the old consciousness is actually a good death. The pain that is felt is a good pain- it is the ego being crushed, the bondages being broken; And I come out the other side, liberated in life.

“You promised to belong to the one Father and none other, that is, you promised to die“, Baba reminds me. “It is called dying, but in reality, you attain everything.“, He explains. “Do you find it difficult to keep this promise?“, He asks. “It’s easy“, He explains; “it’s just that you don’t know how to transform your motives and feelings.” The way to transform my motives and feelings is by shifting my awareness from considering myself a body, that is, a name, a relationship, a role, a position, a status, a list of accomplishments etc., to considering myself a pure soul, a child of God. Then, dying alive becomes easy. Then, I don’t feel like I am ‘losing’ anything but rather that I am gaining freedom. When I hold on to the truth, the falsehood is shed automatically, its not an effort. “Always stay in the intoxication of who you are and Whose you are“, He teaches. Instead of ‘why me!?’ or ‘why do I have to…?”, I change the ‘why’ to ‘wah!’: “Wah, Baba wah!, thank you for teaching me this lesson so well and clearly!, I will never forget it now.”, “Wah, drama, wah!, this situation has really made me stronger, brought me closer to Baba, grown my faith…”, “Wah, my fortune, wah!, my Father is the Creator of Heaven and so, surely, I will become the master of heaven! I will claim my full inheritance by learning every lesson I am being taught. I will be Baba’s best student, like Father Brahma.”, “Wah, my family wah!, without this family, it would be impossible to learn and become complete.” “Finish the cries of distress (why, why..) and replace them with “Wah, wah!”“, He teaches.

It is when I forget who I am and let go of the Father’s companionship that I find easy things to be difficult. I experience everything to be a burden. But when I stay in the right awareness, then no matter what the situation or what type of person comes before me, I remain a detached observer, learn what I need to and don’t hesitate to do the right thing. “You have been living in a body for birth after birth and this is why you have to make effort.”, says the Father. “You now have to consider yourselves to be separate from those bodies, that is, you have to die alive.“