Baba says, “Make effort to remain introverted for whatever time you have. Do not become extroverted. Only then can your sins be cut away.“

There are times in my life that feel especially testy. I work hard for that promotion at work and someone else gets it. Not just that but the one that gets it is not nearly as qualified as I am. I work hard at overcoming that sanskar but it appears that the harder I try, the more loudly it roars. While I struggle with the sanskar, everyone else seems happy and light! and they aren’t even nearly as spiritual as I am! I have a good voice and yet, every time, this other sister gets asked to sing despite the fact that she can barely carry a tune. The instrument teacher at the center seems to favor only those students who agree with her on everything; only they get asked to help with various service projects while I languish. It feels as if life is totally unfair, I do the right thing and yet, I don’t get what I worked hard for or what I deserve while others seem to get their way. I am tempted to ask: “Why Baba why?!” I don’t get what is going on, what is God doing!?

The answer is: God is working….on me.

When stuff like this happens, it is because God is using these situations to push the junk out of me- the wrong attitude where I think of myself as ‘holier than thou’, or where I think that I have done God a favor by following His directions. He uses it to show me the hidden jealousy, the anger, the bitterness, and resentment that comes pouring out when I think someone else got what ‘I deserved’. There are times when I even give God a lecture about how He is doing the wrong thing by favoring someone else over me, that surely He didn’t see their bad behavior because if He had, then He definitely wouldn’t give them that service project! I follow every shrimat and so clearly He should be giving it to me! etc. etc.

God is in the business of purifying souls, He is pushing out the impurities; and as my Father, He is growing me up. He is making me spiritually mature by showing me the mirror. What have I got my worth tied up in? is it a project, a job, the size of the center I attend, how many people know my name, how many people attended my workshop? or do I realize that my worth comes from who I am- a pure soul, a child of the Highest-on-High? Do I love God because of what He can do for me? or do I love Him for Who He is? my most Beloved Father, Teacher, Friend and Guide. As long as I am still in body consciousness, I will gravitate toward the limited- name, fame, labels, possessions- for my worth and value. It is only when I become soul conscious that I actually realize just how elevated I am based on my inner truth of who I am and Whom I belong to. Then I don’t waste time chasing after limited achievements to feel fulfilled and I certainly don’t go to God for them. To be soul conscious is therefore true introversion.

Maybe God Himself put a dream in my heart and yet, it seems He is taking me down a long, winding route. Sometimes it feels I might be going in the opposite direction! The temptation is to look at others and think: How come they are doing well? What do they have that I don’t have? How come God is enabling them to succeed while I continue to wait behind the curtains? When I am soul conscious, I look inward rather than outward. More often than not, the reason I’m still waiting is that while I think I’m ready, God doesn’t. There’s still more work to be done in me. Or, the timing isn’t right yet. Comparing myself to others who are on their own unique journey, shows my lack of understanding of the knowledge and ends up making me disheartened, jealous and angry. My stage is ruined and any actions I perform or words I speak become wrong and cause sorrow to the self and to others; my account of sin increases. Why someone got away with something that was wrong, why God enabled someone to win that project despite their sanskars etc., is simply none of my business. It is between them and God. “Look at yourself, not at others. Your concern should just be the study“, He explains.

“There are many children who remain extroverted throughout the whole day. You children have to make effort and become introverted.“, He adds. When God is done changing what He wants to in me, then I will have gained something that no one can take away from me- increased faith, character, maturity, whatever…it will be unique to me and will go with me into the new cycle. This study is internal, the transformation is internal and so I need to be introverted to recognize and realize what is going on. “A lot of benefit is merged in introversion.”, explains Baba. “It is only by having this stage that you can be unshakeable, constant, patient, humble, imbibe divine virtues and achieve a completely knowledge-full stage.” My mind is like a temple, explains Baba and when I focus it outwardly, looking at others, paying attention to what she/he said/did, comparing myself to them, wanting external things etc., then it is as if I allow the wind to blow in dust, dead leaves, insects etc. into my temple. When I am introverted, I keep my temple clean and pure, because I am focused on my inner truth and busy with what God is doing in my life; there is a fragrance in the temple, there is the decoration of divine virtues that I emerge with the power of my connection with God.

Keeping my mind pure and clean is not just beneficial to me but it is essential to serve others. “Serving others is not just through words“, explains Baba, “you should also send them subtle vibrations of your power of silence and burn away their impure thoughts.” This is most elevated, true service, He teaches. If there is impurity in my mind, then it gets mixed in to the vibrations I send others and then there is disservice. That then creates a burden on me and that burden then becomes a bondage. Hence Baba cautions, “O children, become completely introverted! Only then can your sins be cut away and you can serve others”.