Happily Ever After!

सब राज़ी खुशी हैं? (“Is everyone happy?”) यह भी कोई पूछने की बात है? (“Is this even something to ask?”) Accha! बाबा याद हैं?

When we first come into gyan, each one has beautiful experiences with Baba, it is as they call it ‘the honeymoon period’ where you feel His presence, His companionship, His love at every step. Everywhere I go, I feel welcomed; it is as though everyone loves me, my teacher at the center gives me a lot of attention. The roses seem especially pink, the dew drops look like little diamonds – its bliss and the soul is swept away from its ‘feet’.

And then a few months go by as I grow up in my Brahmin life and all of a sudden, I don’t have those same experiences, I don’t feel pampered, I don’t get all the attention, I am just another member in the gathering. The roses don’t seem to blossom quite so nicely and I see no dew drops. In other words, there is a feeling of hollowness in the soul. I am tired!

Sound familiar? Whatever happened to the “and they lived happily ever after”! When I get on the path of knowledge, it feels new, it feels right, the knowledge makes sense and is just what I needed and so just as a kid is taken in by something shiny, I take to knowledge – I quickly change my food and sleeping habits, I start to follow the disciplines, I go to the center every day for Murli and I experience Baba’s help. But then I am unable to sustain that freshness, that zeal and enthusiasm.

One day I go to work and things don’t go so well – I worked on that project with a lot of sincerity but yet, it did not get the recognition it deserved. I stayed up all night to get something done and guess what; they didn’t even give me credit for it. I am at home or with friends, and they don’t seem to understand me. Everything seems to be wrong! I forget in the midst of the ‘Drama’ that I have God Himself with me. In fact, He never left me at all, He is still with me but now He finds Himself waiting for me to make time for Him as I wait for a couple of human beings to make time for me! The Ocean of Love and all virtues longs for a couple minutes of my company so He can tell me how special I am to Him while I sulk because my boss didn’t give me a prize. And is it even ‘me’ that wants that prize or that time from others? No! As it turns out, that would be my ego!

All the soul wants is to be filled with love, happiness and virtues and then be able to give that to others. The soul does not take or beg – not even from God actually. Connecting with God makes me remember who I am and the virtues I already have. Remembering Him enables me to respect myself. The ego however only begs because by definition, the ego is a false image of me, it is the opposite of self-respect, and therefore feeds off other people. So Baba reminds us time and again of the perils of being egoistic including the biggest one – becoming an invisible barrier between the real me and God.

And then there is the phase where I feel as though I betrayed God. He does so much for me, He teaches me so much and yet I did something wrong. I then go spiraling down into guilt and eventually depression. It helps to remember that I am trying to unlearn in one short Brahmin birth what it has taken me 2500 years to learn. If it was that easy to change over, it wouldn’t take God Himself to come down to teach me. And so, if I make a mistake, I learn from it and move on. I don’t have permission to stop so I can feel guilty or frustrated with myself. If I do, then that is betraying God, that’s being harmful to the Yagya. That I can’t get over the fact that I made a mistake and allow myself to learn from it is again another form of ego. “How could I have done this?” is ego talking. Baba says that no one will be free from mistakes until the end but if I actually allow myself to learn from each one, I am assured to not make the same mistake twice. That is true effort-making and being a true server of the Yagya.

Baba asks us to enjoy this effort making life as a Brahmin. I note the things I want to accomplish today and then if things don’t go according to my plan, I feel as though I have failed and consequently experience frustration. I am so focused on being a certain way that say if I missed my sit-down evening meditation one day, I feel bad and the stress makes me exhausted. Again, being attached to anything is ego. Sure, Baba asks us to become perfect but perhaps we are confused about what perfection means. Perfection is not about never making a mistake – that is ego. Rather perfection is about maintaining your self-respect in the face of success or failure, insult or praise. I am so focused on what I think I need to do that I forget the One I am doing it for. Baba says, if you are trying to find the shore, don’t move away from the boatman, stay with Him, let Him guide you. I have had the reigns in my hands for far too long. Now He is here, the One I was looking for and calling out to and He wants to help…if I would only let Him.

I have God Himself belong to me, in love with me. He hasn’t forgotten me even for a moment. He has not left my side and is still here waiting for me turn to Him again. And so it would be unfortunate if I am caught up in the trivialities of the old world, blaming everything and everyone for my hollowness. As He says, it takes a lot of strength to love, and in that to love God. He doesn’t have a body of His own that I can see. In fact as He says, He doesn’t even have a form of light and so holding His hand means to follow His Shrimat – the most important one being: consider yourself a soul and remember Me alone. Staying in His remembrance constantly is the way to celebrate a meeting with Him. His remembrance is His canopy of protection. His remembrance is His greatest blessing. And staying in His remembrance is therefore the only effort I have to make.

I need to pay attention to not take my eyes off my aim: to be seated on God’s heart throne. When I have this aim firm, I will then do only that which gets me there – seat Him and only Him on my heart throne. It is when I lose my aim that I lose all direction and get entangled in the web of deception. As Baba says, matters are matters but my effort and Baba’s love are my own. Why would I give up something that is mine? The roses are still here, the dew still sparkles like diamonds. Simply turn around and you’ll see them there again.

हम यहाँ तुम यहाँ
दिल जवान वो समा
लेकिन कहाँ शुरू शुरू के प्यार का
फिर से चलो चुराए दिल यार का

चाहा तुम्हें कितना, ढूंढ़ा तुम्हें कितना
मिल गए हम मगर, खो गए हम फिर कहाँ

हम यहाँ तुम यहाँ
दिल जवान वो समा
लेकिन कहाँ शुरू शुरू के प्यार का
फिर से चलो चुराए दिल यार का

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