Baba says, ‘You have to continue to make effort until you pass fully and reach your karmateet stage‘.
For as long as I am on this physical plane, I cannot stop performing actions for even a second, Baba teaches me. Karmateet doesn’t mean I don’t perform action, it means I am someone who is beyond the bondage of action. One is bondage and other is relationship. When I enter into a relationship with Karma or action, I enjoy it because I perform action while being detached from the outcome. When I am in bondage, I am dependent on the outcome and therefore live constantly stressed, anxious and worried. It means that the action is bigger than me, it controls me. This causes me and others distress.
Most of us go around feeling wrong internally. I don’t really like who I am. I am constantly focusing on faults and weaknesses. I am constantly critical of myself, that recording of everything I’ve done wrong is always playing in their mind: ‘I am impatient, I lose my temper, I shouldn’t have said that…’ I am constantly ashamed of myself, mired in guilt and regret and then I wonder why I am not happy. It is because I am in bondage of Karma, it is because I am constantly at war with myself. I am not supposed to go through life feeling wrong about myself.
I am not complete yet! No one is. And no, this does not mean I become lazy or complacent and that I don’t work on improving myself, I absolutely do. What it means is that I don’t allow the heaviness to weigh me down to where I believe there is something wrong with me. God is telling me something different- He is telling me I am blameless, that I am becoming a deity soul- completely pure, completely viceless, full of virtues. Let me align my thinking with His. If I go through life feeling negative and down on myself, I will stop engaging with life. I will live afraid that I will make another mistake, will constantly second guess myself, depend on others for advice, kill my own confidence. In other words, I tie myself into bondage. It is a sign of maturity, a sign of being a child with rights when I can accept myself right where I am, drawbacks and all.
To make a small thing big or to make a big thing small depends on your own stage, teaches Baba. To be distressed or to maintain the honor of being a master depends on yourself. “What has happened?” or “Whatever happened is good” depends on yourself.
If I made a decision that didn’t pan out as I had expected, that doesn’t mean I failed. It just means I learnt something new for the future, I tweak, move on. I don’t beat myself up over it. I do have shortcomings but let me keep them in perspective. There are more things good with me than there are wrong. Rather than be focused on how much further I need to go, let me thank Baba for how far He has already brought me! Let me enjoy where I am and this study. If I’m waiting to like me when I am perfect, I’ll be waiting my whole life. If I think I’ll feel good about myself as soon as I learn to control my temper i.e. if I make an outcome my criterion to get rid of the guilt, then that’s the wrong approach. That is coming into bondage, rather than relationship. I need to feel good about myself right now. Because as soon as I overcome this weakness, cross this one off the list, there will be something else God will show me to improve.
Baba hasn’t come to meet ‘perfect’ souls. He says, ‘The Father, the Supreme Soul, comes to you children to purify you’. He knows I am on a journey. He is also my Teacher. Unlike worldly teachers who teach one subject, the Supreme Teacher teaches me all subjects Himself! Not just the theory, but also the practical (dharna). He already knows my shortcomings and He is changing me little by little. He doesn’t base His respect for me on how well I perform. What I lack or don’t lack has nothing to do with it. He accepts me unconditionally, He approves me right now, but do I? Or have I tied myself in bondage?
As long as I’m down on myself, think I don’t measure up, it will keep me from improving and growing. It blocks the Teacher’s efforts to get through to me. It takes maturity to be at peace with myself even though there are areas I need to improve in. Yes I’ve made mistakes but they are what I did, not who I am. Those mistakes have not changed my purpose! But always focusing on what’s not right will distract me from my purpose, distract me from the good things. They are all part of the plan, the study.
You are studying Raja Yoga, not praja yoga (yoga to become subjects), from Him, says Baba. It is only by having this remembrance that the mercury of happiness of you children can rise. To be a Raja Yogi is to engage with life, with the study I am being taught wholeheartedly. If I become afraid, cover my face and run away at every mistake, at every shortcoming, then I will delay my destiny. This is living with the fear of failure- because I am afraid of the rejection I will experience if I fail, I don’t take any chances. Because I don’t engage, I don’t learn or grow. But here’s the rub- I am the one rejecting myself.
One of the worst mistakes I can make is to be against myself, reject myself as I am trying to grow. The most important relationship I have is with myself. It determines the quality of my relationship with God and with other souls. If I dislike myself, then even though God loves me, I am unable to accept His love. Let me be good to me, kind to me, compassionate to me, forgiving of me, loving to me. Let me not defeat myself, I have enough circumstances and people against me in Ravan’s world, let me not be against myself.
Often I make the mistake of comparing myself to others and think: boy, they never get angry like I do! I’m really far behind…I tie myself in bondage to other people too! Let me remember that I am unique, my journey is different from theirs. I have the talent, skills and am learning the lessons I need to get to where I am going, to fulfill my destiny. Let me not look at someone else’s map to get to my destination.
To be Karmateet is to be equal to the Father, it means to remain stable in the stage of having a right. Without being Karmateet, you cannot go with the Father, says Baba. So now, He says, learn to change the bondage of karma into the relationship of Karma, change the suffering of Karma into enjoyment, change a crucifix into a thorn, bring benefit to yourself and others at every second and experience being close to the Father.