Baba says, ‘Those who always have an attitude of unlimited disinterest are never afraid nor do they shake when they see any scene. They always remain unshakeable and immovable.’
Fear comes where there is attachment, that is, where there is the consciousness of ‘I and mine’. When I consider someone or something to be mine, there is fear – of loss, of not performing up to expectations, of being betrayed etc. The basis for attachment is body consciousness which at its most fundamental level implies that I consider myself to be a body rather than who I really am – a soul.
A soul is essenceful, pure, peaceful and content. It is simply a point of light and needs nothing other staying aligned to it’s own truth and staying connected with the Supreme Soul. The body is the expansion. When I consider myself a body, then I have an endless list of needs and wants along with a justification for each one. I also have roles and responsibilities. Now, the fact is that I have to play various roles and shoulder various responsibilities in the world but the consciousness with which I do it makes all the difference in the quality of my living. In the case of body consciousness, I feel I am the role I am playing and that I am responsible for everything. In soul consciousness, I never lose the awareness that I am a soul simply playing the role i.e. I am not the role. Similarly, I shoulder the responsibilities as an instrument of God i.e. I am not the owner, He is.
In fact, when I am soul conscious, even the body isn’t mine. It has been given to me by God to serve, per His instructions. The bodily relations therefore aren’t mine either, they too are souls, children of God and I interact with them with this awareness. I don’t expect anything from anyone because I know they don’t belong to me, they are not mine. I know that my needs are fulfilled by God, my Father, because He is responsible for me. And He does belong to me and I do belong to Him. Even little children- they too are children of God and I am simply His instrument to care for them. I don’t unduly blame myself for things I perceive to be wrong in them, I don’t take credit for their gifts either. I don’t expect them to care for me when I grow older as a return for the care I am giving now. When I operate in the consciousness of being an instrument of God, no one owes me anything.
When situations come, I don’t get afraid thinking: ‘why did this happen!?’, ‘what am I going to do now?’. When I get assigned a task I don’t get paralyzed thinking: ‘what if I can’t do this?’, ‘what if I fail, what will everyone think?’etc. I always have the awareness that Karankaravanhaar is making me move. He is the one Who does and inspires me to do. I am simply the instrument that is following His directions. I am not attached to outcomes of tasks and challenges are not my responsibility, they are His. I remain light and unshakable with this awareness, like Angad.
To have this separation between I and the body, I and the relations, I and the role, I and the responsibility or task, I and the situation…this is unlimited disinterest. To be an instrument is unlimited disinterest.
It doesn’t mean I don’t use any of the facilities or comforts I have, it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the relationships in my life. In fact, it is only when I have unlimited disinterest that I am actually able to enjoy everything I have. Because then, I don’t bring in the baggage of expectations and therefore don’t suffer the inevitable frustration and disappointment. I don’t bring in the baggage of I and mine in their many, many forms and complain about: ‘I did all this work, I made all the effort, brought all these people, secured this place. This is my place, my people, is there no value for the effort I’ve made?!’, or ‘this is my idea!, I deserve credit’, ‘but I am so-and-so and therefore I deserve respect!’, ‘I want my rights!’. That small change of ‘this is not mine but Yours’ changes everything, it takes away all the contaminations, all the heaviness and burdens and leaves me feeling light and content. My attitude is: “Whatever I receive, however I receive it, wherever You make us sit, whatever You feed us, whatever You make us do, we will do only that.” This is in fact, the first promise I made to God, He reminds me.
Sometimes, I swing the other way and become completely detached from everyone and everything. I don’t want any angst in my life and so think it’s better to keep to myself. This too is wrong, teaches Baba. You are not sanyasis, this is the family path. You must learn to live like the lotus flower, He tells me. The idea is to strike a balance between being detached and loving – detached from the ‘I and mine’ness of it all and loving to everyone. That balance of detached and loving is unlimited disinterest.
Unless I develop this attitude of unlimited disinterest, I cannot become useful to God, in His task. Sure, I may be serving already but I could be doing so much more, if only I would change my attitude. To have unlimited disinterest is proof of self-progress or transformation, it is also showing God that I value Him and His task more than I value my limited desires. It is showing Him that He can trust me to unite rather than divide, that He can trust me with higher levels of influence.
I am your Father and I am the Ocean, He reminds me again and again. When I merge in the Ocean, I have access to all the unlimited attainments. And so the trick is to do this, i.e. to stabilize myself in the awareness of being a child of God and then come into action and interactions. When I do this, I come being an embodiment of all attainments – there is nothing more I want or need from anyone or anything. I am a self-sovereign, the king of kings.