Baba says, ‘It is My duty to purify the impure.’
For half a cycle, I called out to God: ‘O Purifier, come and purify the impure’. I called out to Him because somewhere deep down in the soul, I knew that I am originally a pure soul and that I have now lost that purity; I realized that things are not as they should be and that something is off. I remembered that there is the Father Who can and has helped me before, and that He can do it again. So I called out and He came.
He is my Father, Teacher and the Satguru. He has come to show me the way back to my purity but He doesn’t just hand me a map and leave. In other words, He doesn’t simply give me the knowledge and leave; He walks the path with me. Knowledge is important, it is the compass that shows me right from wrong but it cannot purify me, hard sanskars that have been deeply embedded over half a cycle cannot move simply by understanding them. Neither can they move simply because I have decided to change. It needs a ‘Removal Expert’ to work with me and in me. Baba says, ‘It is My duty to purify the impure.‘
Every day through the Murli, Baba speaks to me personally in public. He isn’t speaking to everyone generally, He is speaking to me about the things specific to me. God has a plan for my life and there are things He wants me to do- changes He wants me to make whether it is certain attitudes, maybe it’s my temper, something else. This doesn’t mean that He is condemning me, He isn’t. He is showing me. Ravan, on the other hand will use this to make me feel condemned, but when I partner with God, the thing I never ever do is allow myself to feel condemned and shut down. That blocks the Purifier from doing His work in me. God never loves me any less because of my flaws; He loves me too much to let me stay the way I am.
The second thing I don’t do is I don’t go back home after the Murli and declare: ‘Okay, that’s it, I am going to change, I am not going to be angry ever again’. That is me setting myself up for frustration because as He keeps reminding me: ONLY HE CAN CHANGE ME. When I make such declarations, then I take extreme steps such as, I stop talking to my family members completely or speak every little and then they wonder what’s wrong with me. Of course, that makes me even more angry and I say: ‘well, damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I can never get anything right around here!’ Change doesn’t happen like this and neither does it happen overnight on my timing. So what I instead do is I say: ‘Baba, thank You for showing me. I agree, I do have that temper problem and I want to change, I want to turn around and I trust that YOU will change me. I trust that what YOU have started here by showing me, YOU will finish.’
That doesn’t mean I get to sit back and do nothing, no!, I do need to co-operate with Him. As the Satguru, He is with me every step of the way and prompts me about what to do: when that coworker says something rude, and I’m about to lose it, He prompts me: ‘don’t say anything, let it go’. But because it’s a sanskar that’s been with me for half a cycle, it persists and I react anyway. Immediately, let me admit my mistake to Baba, repent i.e. promise myself that I will continue to work with Him and MOVE ON. What I don’t ever do is allow myself to fall into the one of several pits Ravan has dug for me called the ‘self-pity pit’ or the ‘guilt pit’ or the ‘regret pit’. I avoid all of them and stick with God. Then, pretty soon I will have another opportunity to not get angry and maybe I fail again..no problem. I avoid all the pits again and go at it again and again and again until I get it right and I have worn Ravan out enough that he no longer bothers digging; he gets the message that I am committed to God!
Something else I don’t do is try to convince God to change His mind: ‘Baba, how come You keep telling me not to do this and not to do that while all these people seem to be doing all those things. How come You don’t tell them anything!’ Baba says, ‘when I ask you whether you’d like to become Lakshmi and Narayan or Ram and Sita, you always raise your hand for Lakshmi and Narayan. So then, you need the qualifications that go with that aim.‘. Lakshmi became Lakshmi not by comparing herself with others, but by imbibing every point of knowledge that the Father taught her. It came through deep commitment and a surrender to God. I, am not everybody and God’s plan for me is not a generic ‘everybody plan’. Let me stop comparing myself to others, no matter who they are- senior or junior- and only follow the Father’s directions. Once God asks me to do something, I have the choice to either obey Him or resist Him- one will get me to my aim, the other will deprive me. I have asked Him for a lot by raising my hand to be the Emperor and Empress of Heaven, He is here and willing to help, I have to decide if I have the courage, the stamina for it.
And part of the losing steam and stamina stems from the fact that I expect instant change- which is unrealistic and won’t happen and I stop liking myself during the process of change. Yes, it’s hard when all the bad stuff comes out of me but that just means, the medicine from the Supreme Surgeon is working, the purification is happening. I can and have to enjoy myself while God is changing me. I don’t have to wait to be perfected in order to like myself! He doesn’t, neither should I. He is changing me because He loves me, not in order to; so, why won’t I like myself? Let me stop falling prey to the false ego that judges and rejects the self. I might not be where I need to be yet, but thank God, I am not where I used to be. He has brought me so far and He is committed to taking me the rest of the way if I won’t quit on Him. I cannot rush God or the drama, I can only choose to work with them with patience. He is changing me gradually, little by little, and what He has started, He will finish.
Let me realize and set my mind to the fact that: this is a pilgrimage. I am in this for the long haul…this process of change will continue till my last breath. So let me not live under pressure, let me learn to enjoy the process. Let me keep learning from Him, and continue to get better and better at obeying Him…the first time. Let me stop resisting Him when it gets uncomfortable, let me let go the stubbornness when He asks me to forgive that person, let me stop arguing with Him when He asks me to let go of that dream job I had been working toward for the last two years, let me do whatever it is that He is asking me to do because He will not change His mind and neither will He spend time arguing back with me. This is not a negotiation, this is the Satguru giving me Shrimat. The quicker I obey, the faster the process will be, the easier I make it on myself. In fact, the harder the assignment, the stronger I become spiritually when I obey. Let me realize and remember that God does not want to take anything away from me other than the things that are hurting me and causing me sorrow. Other than that, He wants me to enjoy myself and my life: ‘Eat, drink, remain happy, but remember you have come to Shiv Baba and that you are being sustained by Him.’
Let me stop thinking and acting like I belong to myself and ask Him for all the things I think I ‘need’ and ‘deserve’. When I died alive and came to Baba, He is now sustaining me. I am now an instrument that should be set aside for His use. Everything I say and do needs to glorify Him and further His kingdom…which by the way, He is establishing for me! And so, I no longer ask for what I want; rather, I ask God to use me for what He wants: ‘Baba, whatever You want me to do, wherever You want me to be, it’s up to You. I am here for You.’ God can and wants to be everything I will ever need Him to be in any situation. Why wouldn’t I want to have a deep, committed relationship with Him? Let me make Him #1 in my life: ‘Mine is One Shiv Baba alone’ and then, watch Him change me from a caterpillar into a butterfly, from an impure human-being into the empress of the world.