The unbroken remembrance of “My Baba”

Baba says, “This unbroken remembrance of “My Baba” will solve all problems, make you into a flying bird and take you into the flying stage.”

When I first received the introduction of the self and the Father, I felt an enormous sense of attainment. Based on what I had attained, I experienced a great difference between my past life and my present life. What did I do before becoming a Brahmin? How did I even live before knowing Baba? I had no aim nor purpose, no identity or sense of belonging. I just existed, just passing through life and this world doing whatever it was that everyone else was doing, without really knowing who I am, whose I am or what it is that I am here to do. It isn’t that I hadn’t tried finding the answers to those questions- I had. But no one seemed to know. This is how life’s always been, I was told. Wake up, do your chores, go to your job, go to the temple, eat, drink and be good…whatever that meant. That was life…that’s all there is to it, it’s how it’s always been.

And so coming to Baba was to find my destination after wandering. He gave me identity and belonging, aim and purpose but I still looked no different nor acted any different on day 2 or 3 or 5. But somehow I had faith in His words that things are to change. So, by having faith in the intellect, I started to move in the direction of the destination with co-operation from others who also believed. We shared our faith, our experiences and pushed each other forward. In experiencing true happiness, peace and comfort, we didn’t care abut what the outside world thought of us; our experience of spiritual life, based on finally understanding answers to long held questions, dating to births previous to this one, we kept on moving forward.

Yes, it meant that I had to renounce things of the old life but in comparison to what I had attained, the thirst of the soul that had been quenched, I didn’t have the slightest awareness of what I had even renounced; it felt easy, natural. With the deep intoxication of having found everything by having found the Father, I didn’t feel the renunciation to be renunciation; I was too busy in remembrance and service with my body, mind and wealth to care. Just as I made Baba mine by saying: “Yes Baba, I now belong to You”, so too, I experienced the Father say in return: “And whatever belongs to the Father is yours.” I claimed this right of belonging to the Father, and even more importantly, of making the Father belong to me.

“Children claim this right but something happens afterwards“, explains Baba.

As I move along, Maya comes to confront me in various ways. This is what the process of change or purification is! For what is Maya but weaknesses of my own mind that I hadn’t been aware of all this time, that I now start to see and experience clearly. This is the great Mahabharata war, explains Baba. It is not a war with physical weapons that is fought against a physical enemy; rather, this is a war that the soul fights internally against their own demons. And so the war begins and as a child of God, I consider it to be my right to be victorious. And indeed, it is my right! But to claim that right to victory, I do have to learn to use the weapons I’ve been given and fight the war first!

To oppose the different attacks of Maya, Baba observes, I usually lack two things: 1) power to discern and 2) the power to face. Because I lack these two things, Baba explains, I am sometimes victorious and sometimes, defeated by Maya. I am sometimes fully aware of everything but other times, I am not and become afraid or aggressive.

What is the reason for lacking the power to discern? There isn’t stability in the intellect, explains Baba. There is this upheaval of waste or impure thoughts. There isn’t the constantly stable stage of taking the sweetness of all relationships with the One. Somewhere, I accept Baba as my eternal Father, Teacher and Satguru but I continue to have other relationships with human beings. In theory, I say that Baba is my world but in practical life, I still look at human beings as my mother, as my friend(s), as my child etc. By having different relationships with different people, I expose myself to emotions driven by expectations, observations, judgments etc. “How can my own mother treat me like this?”, “How can my best friend betray me?’, ‘I expected better of my own child…’, ‘If only I had half the talent and skill that this team member has…” etc. etc. The intellect and stage are in constant fluctuation and because of this, the power to discern reduces and Maya gets me. Then, I feel those emotions- of anger, of rage, of disappointment…and I am not even able to realize what is going on, that Maya has got a hold of me. I am so completely in her grip that I even start to treat Baba as my opposition and say to Him: “Baba, why don’t You do something? this is not fair! how can You let them get away with anything? Don’t You see what they are like…”

What is the reason for lacking the power to face? “You don’t know how to make the Father your constant Companion”, explains Baba., “You don’t know the method to seek His Company.” First, I don’t make Him my everything and as a result, feel all these emotions. Then, when I am confronted by these demons or emotions- anger or rage or lust or deep rooted jealousy or bitterness…whatever it is, I feel ashamed and shrink back, I make myself alone and Maya gets her chance. Yes, that anger and rage are going to come out spectacularly; yes, I will have those lustful thoughts that I never even had before Baba; yes, I will find myself act so petty with jealousy. Yes, it will happen…it is the illnesses coming out because I have taken the medicine of Manmanabhav. But its one thing if I get really angry once or fly into a rage once…okay maybe twice, three times but what if it doesn’t stop and the rage is getting worse? Maybe it’s gotten to the point where I am sure I will hurt the other person. What then? How can I possibly go to Baba when I am this bad! I am just a disaster waiting to happen! I am a disgrace, a black dot in Baba’s world. Yes, He is God but clearly, He didn’t realize what He was getting when He got me! I think these impure and weak thoughts and even tell Baba: “What can I do Baba? For how long can I continue like this? I wasn’t aware I would have to go through all this…I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to disgrace You anymore….” and I come to a standstill having made myself tired.

Baba says, “O traveler of the night, don’t become tired. The destination of the dawn is not far…”

Whatever is going on are all the side scenes along the path, they are not the destination. You have to go past them and not stop there considering them to be the destination. But when I become ashamed, overcome, dejected, defeated, I come to a standstill and think: “my part is just this much…this is the extent of my fortune….I don’t get to go any further than this….” I consider the side scene to be the destination and become distant from the true destination. “Before reaching the high destination“, Baba explains, “you must first experience storms.” In other words, I cannot reach my truth unless I pass through the falsehood first! In order for the steamer to cross an ocean, it has to go through the middle of it. Therefore, teaches Baba, don’t become afraid quickly; don’t become tired; don’t come to a standstill.

Don’t run away from your Companion, run to Him; Keep your Companion with you and every difficulty will become easy. Let me realize that I am not a surprise to God, He did know exactly what He was getting when He got me. In fact, He chose me, He adopted me and made me belong to Him fully aware of my entire horoscope. Let me trust the Purifier, the Boatman to do His work in me and to take my boat across. Become courageous and you will definitely receive help. See the Father and follow the father and you will constantly experience a life of zeal and enthusiasm. Don’t make any person- no matter who it is, own mother, sister, brother, best friend- or anything, your support while moving along this path. Constantly make the lesson of “one faith and one support” very firm and you will easily be able to come out of the middle of the ocean and constantly experience your destination to be very close. If I continue to follow and trust anyone other than Baba, I will remain confused in the middle of the ocean, and be attacked constantly by storms.

The Father provides more patience and endurance by saying: “Consider all these storms to be very good signs to enable you to progress towards your destination. Just as you consider destruction to be a good sign and something benevolent, so too, these exams are a means to make you strong. These signs show that you have crossed your path and are moving forward. Don’t be afraid of seeing all these things, these demons, these storms. Always have the one thought that you have now almost reached your destination.

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