Baba says, ‘let go of all your subtle dependencies’. Most of us have let go of our gross dependencies – we’ve successfully let go of our preferences for certain kinds of food, we’ve changed our daily itinerary etc. but there are subtle threads that still pull us.
For half a cycle, we’ve got our self-respect from ‘doing‘ rather than from ‘being‘. It’s what I did and how ‘well’ I did it that mattered. My profession- an artist or a businessperson or an engineer, how much I earned, the clothes I wore, the trophies I won. Those were the things that meant something, that I showed off. Then I became a Brahmin and subtly, I transferred those same sanskars to Brahmin life.
I started to question – what is my part? where do I fit in?
It is almost as if I expect someone to come and hand me a job description, clarify my role & responsibility so I can go about the business of ‘doing’ and ‘proving’ myself. well, that doesn’t happen because that is not how it works.
Baba says, this is a family. There is the Father and Mother and children. There is no other relationship. No one can give you your inheritance except Me, your Father. So stop looking for it from others. Let me check, am I still trying to get my self-respect from service or from approval of people or through ‘winning’?
I come to Baba, I hear and love the knowledge. Then I learn about the task of world transformation and I want to play a role. But because I transfer my corporate sanskars, so to speak, to this life, I look for a role, a specific task to do in service. Then when I am involved in a project, I encounter conflict, jealousy and all the rest.
Baba comes to teach us the knowledge, purify us and establish the new world. He tells me that is my role too…do as I do, He says. So what does He do?
He reminds me of who I am and Who He is. I forget both from time to time. He teaches me the knowledge of the Drama, about how I lost my inheritance. I listen every morning and more often than not, I forget by mid-day. At every step, He offers His guidance- tells me what to do…I often either don’t catch it or find it too hard to follow. He says, I love you very much…I am here for you. Have all your relationships with Me…I struggle with that and end up depending on my physical relationships. He is unconditional with me and I often use Him when I need a favor….then relegate Him to the back of my mind.
How does Baba feel? does He fret, throw up His hands and curse? Does He feel like a ‘loser’? Does He feel afraid that maybe He was wrong about this whole world transformation thing….at least, it seems unlikely with ‘these fools’! Does He look at the gurus and saints and say, ‘maybe they are doing this right after all, look at how many followers they have…I got to do what they do…’?
He does not base Who He is with the outcome of an activity. He doesn’t base Who He is on how many ‘followers’ He has. He doesn’t base Who He is on an ‘approval rating’ from anyone or on any artificial timeline of how fast change should have happened. Judging is not one of His attributes. He doesn’t judge and rate Himself, nor does He judge, rate or label His children. He doesn’t wallow in shame or guilt or waste time with winning or losing.
All of that would be what the ego does, and God doesn’t suffer from an ego.
He teaches me…if He sees that the child didn’t understand, He tries a different way, and a different way, and a different way…until I get it. He doesn’t judge Himself as a bad Teacher or me as a bad student. He loves, not with the expectation that I will love Him back but because that’s who He is. He doesn’t beat Himself up or label Himself a ‘fool’ or hold a grudge if one of His children leaves Him for the old world. He just goes on with what He needs to do…always wishing every soul well. Because He is seated firmly on His seat of self-respect, He does not reflect other’s thoughts, feelings or actions. His thoughts, feelings and actions are always pure and elevated..no matter what.
I have to be like Him, do what He does. Let me let go of the subtle dependencies of my ego and regain control of my self. I am God’s child, His angel. He is telling me daily how I need to ‘be’….being that is my part in the Drama.