Now, I remember

Baba says, ‘the biggest mistake is forgetting the Father‘. This is the play of one mistake, He says. You forgot the Father.

When I forget the Father, it’s as if I have become an orphan. There is no one teaching me how to be, there are no guidelines, there is no one caring for me or nourishing me. So I am left to fend for myself. There is fear, there is insecurity, a lack of belonging. And I do whatever I think I need to do or I do whatever someone else tells me to ‘make it’ in the world. And the chase starts…I make mistakes and then more mistakes to recover from the ones before. I spiral downward at a rapid pace.

At some point, I am exhausted and throw my hands up and declare that I need help. So I call out to…someone…I don’t know who. Depending upon whom I talk to, it’s a different name, a different set of rituals, a different way to ask for the same thing. But I try it all- I beg, I plead, I prostrate, I ring bells, I sing…everything.

But that’s Drama. By forgetting myself and the Father, I descended down the ladder and completely bankrupted myself – of all self-respect, of virtues, of courage, of self-reliance, of my dignity.

But what’s my excuse now? Baba comes at the end of the cycle hearing the cries of His children. He reminds me of who I am, gives me His introduction and explains the beginning, middle and end of the cycle. He gives me the whole knowledge, everything I had forgotten. And He gives me one simple direction…the most obvious insight from the whole saga: Remember Me alone. Clearly, we’ve seen what happened when I forgot, so now, remember. Do I?

Remembrance is the most natural thing to a human being…like breathing. I remember something all the time but now, at this time in the cycle, I must remember only One. The confluence is a short window of opportunity to renew myself, to claim all that lost inheritance and reach back to my original state, my highest potential.

God is my Father, my Teacher and my Satguru. He is bound to be by my side at every step in this return journey and yet, I don’t experience it. Why? Baba says, ‘remembrance begets remembrance’. I say to Him: ‘Baba, I love you very much. You are my world’ and yet, even the most trivial, petty and mundane thing can make me forget Him.

Something someone says or does can distract me so much that it is all I think about: ‘how could they!’. I am distracted by all the things I need to do, my duties, my responsibilities, by that promotion I so desperately seek. I am distracted by the news…by so many things that are competing for mind-share. It seems I am still caught up in the same grind I was in before He came! Only now I think He ought to participate too and help me do better in it!

Is that what I called out to Him for…to help me do better in an old, impure world? Did I call Him so He could empathize with me when I spend time complaining about everyone and everything? Perhaps it’s worth checking, how well I know God.

When I don’t have an experience with Baba, I spend time looking at others, how they are getting on, I critique them by quoting Shrimat as if it is scripture to point out the 10 ways in which they were wrong. When asked about my experience, I talk about things that happened many years ago…nothing recent. I have a hard time sitting in remembrance…it seems I always have a call to get on or a service task to do. If I don’t acknowledge reality and course correct, I lose interest in the spiritual path and might even leave. Would there be anything more unfortunate?

The key to remembrance is love and to have all my relationships with One. He is an integral part of my life..every aspect of it. He is my Friend, my Boss, my Companion, my Child…everything. I talk to Him, laugh with Him, eat with Him, walk with Him…I read His words, not because I have to but because I want to. He is extremely subtle and His Murli is His most tangible form. I get to know Him through His words. I take it personally, I find He talks to me privately in public. He answers my questions, He gives me direction for every minute of every day. He picks me up when I mess up and we try it again.

When you take one step, I match it with a thousand of Mine, He says.

Let me check: what is it that is pulling me away from the One true love of my life? His love is pure, unconditional. He is the only One who knows my story and understands me. He is literally the only One that knows how to heal me and put me back together. And I want to be put back together, I want to experience this unconditional love, I want to belong. So, when that waste thought, that ordinary thought, that seemingly important piece of news, that task comes before me..let me learn to say no. When I am engaged in the activities that I do need to do, let me do it with Him.

You called me, I have come and am sitting in front of you’, He says. Let me check: am I busy elsewhere? is the line of my intellect clear and connected? I made the mistake of forgetting Him once, now, I remember.

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