Baba says, ‘don’t spoil your register‘. Gallop ahead in the study.
Baba comes at the end of the cycle when I, the soul have forgotten who I am and have become body conscious. Having adopted the ways and manners of the old, impure world, I have caused myself and others tremendous sorrow. This had created a huge karmic debt that the soul needs to settle.
He comes and gives me Shrimat (elevated directions) and asks me to only follow these directions from now on. But, I only do it when I realize deeply why it’s important. Deep rooted body conscious sanskars don’t just disappear by merely understanding them. I need power to dissolve them. While I am in the process of realizing who I am, practice staying in remembrance, build up my power…the world is still moving, Maya is still around. It’s not as if they have taken a break while allowing me time to work on myself. And so while I learn right vs. wrong and true vs. false, the world tries to lure me back into it’s deceptive web. The Shrimat is to protect me from myself, from falling into those traps. It is my canopy of protection, my shield against Maya.
When I understand this, I want to follow Shrimat. I want to be accurate. Baba says, ‘keep a register and check it daily‘. This is a method to pay attention throughout the day- were my thoughts. words, actions according to Shrimat?
The #1 Shrimat Baba gives me is to be pure – in my thoughts, my vision, words, actions, my feelings, attitude…everything. It’s who you are, He says. You are a pure, peaceful, loveful soul. ‘The eyes deceive you the most‘, He says. You see something or someone nice and your vision becomes impure, your mind starts to create wasteful thoughts and soon, you lose your very awareness. Baba cautions: ‘to be trapped in any bodily being in thoughts or in action means to finish the income that you have earned up until now‘. It doesn’t matter how much knowledge I have experienced, how much power and attainment I have experienced through remembrance, how much service I have done…being trapped in a body is like poison to the soul. It finishes all the income in one clean swipe. I should know this seeing as how I have been drinking this poison for half a cycle.
The difference…and this is an important difference is: now, I know better. There is no denying what I know. And so when I still decide to drink the same poison, because I do so knowingly, the punishment I experience is a thousand-fold. Just as the fire of yoga burns away the past sins, in the same way, the fire of the indulgence of the senses burns away all the previous charity. I experience tremendous shame, guilt, regret and this adds to the already existing debt that the soul carries.
Now is the time to settle past debt through knowledge and remembrance, it is not the time to create a fresh account, He says.
Sometimes, it is not the big rocks but the small pebbles in our shoe that trip us up as we run this spiritual marathon. These pebbles are little triggers…buttons certain people in my life manage to push. I find myself lose my cool, get angry, even fly into a rage. Sometimes, it is attachment to people or things that pull us and we find ourselves performing selfish actions.
There is success when there are good manners in your words and in your activity, says Baba. If there is truth, but no manners, there won’t be success, and when there isn’t success, I become even more agitated. When I become agitated, there is no awareness and that’s when Maya attacks and makes me unconscious. An example of this is when some quote Shrimat as if it were a scripture and say: ‘This is a sinful action. I cannot bear to see sinful actions.‘ and then they promptly proceed to spread stories into the atmosphere. ‘Remember that this is an unlimited family‘, says Baba. Just as I wouldn’t spread stories about someone in my limited household, I don’t do it with my unlimited family. To spread waste -even if it is through thoughts and attitude- is a trace of sin. These small sins or pebbles prevent me from feeling light and being able to fly.
‘All these leave a black mark on the register‘, says Baba. Pay attention.
It all comes back to remembering why I am on this spiritual path. I came here to reclaim my sovereignty…am I willing to allow rocks and pebbles to keep me from it? When I remember this, I realize that this is no ordinary matter. Else, I take things lightly: Yes, I know this is wrong, I won’t do it again. And then, I inevitably do because there was no power in my thought or determination. I console myself by saying: but I am still a work-in-progress. Yes, I am….only if there is progress! If there is carelessness, lack of attention in the study, then that is not the same.
When there is the burden of frequent disobedience, I will not be able to reach the high destination. Instead of being in the line of those who experience attainment, I will find myself in the line of those who repent.
Having experienced enormous sorrow by following Maya’s directions, I called out to God to come and liberate me. He is showing me the way now. Let me have mercy on myself and follow His Shrimat.