Baba says, ‘be faithful and honest in writing the history of your past actions give it to the Father‘. Then, because you have told the truth, your burden will be lightened.
Being honest starts with being truthful with the self. Sometimes, we have the hardest time acknowledging our shortcomings to ourselves and we try to outsmart, out-argue, rationalize and justify our way out of it. For example, I will complain endlessly about the new person on the team- how she isn’t qualified enough, she isn’t experienced enough, she didn’t handle those questions well enough etc. I even back up my arguments with selective evidence as if there was a need to prove in a court of law. But after the 300th time I’ve argued that case, I do realize somewhere deep inside that it was never about her qualifications…that all along, it was my own fear of being overshadowed by her. I was afraid I would lose the attention, the spotlight that was on me.
But the more I run away from these realizations, the more I hurt myself and others with my thoughts, words, actions and attitude. Because I look through a filter, in this case, of fear, I end up sowing even more seeds of related body consciousness. The burden on the soul builds and makes it hard for me to fly.
Often, even if I have realized something, body consciousness will come again but this time, it will come in a slightly different form. I even think: ‘the thing that happened before was different. This thing is totally different’. But, when I look a little closer, I find that the seed is the same- it’s usually fear. For example, it may not be a new person this time, it might be my perfectionism or it might be my tendency to always work independently. The form has been transformed but the seed is still fear of falling short, of losing attention.
I need the power to discern the different forms of body consciousness. For this, Baba says, I need two things: (1) honesty (2) a clear line of the intellect.
Don’t keep anything hidden within you, He says. When I do, it’s as if I become a balloon with too much gas waiting to explode at any moment. Therefore, keep your heart honest, He says. With realization, I put the sanskar in front of Baba with an honest heart. Again, here, I tend to become dishonest with myself by thinking: ‘Baba already knows about it’ when in reality, I’m just ashamed to have that heart-to-heart with the Father. This time, it is the fear of being less than.
Don’t place it in front of Me with your head, He explains, place it with your heart. Your heart will then be emptied of that rubbish; it will be destroyed. Your heart becomes full of little things, He observes, and they are always little things, those things are never big. You fill your heart with all the little things you collect. Then, your heart is no longer empty, and when your heart is not empty, where can the Comforter of Hearts sit?, He asks. The Lord is pleased with a honest heart – whatever I am, however I am, Baba, I am Yours.
Related to being honest is the aspect of having a clear line of the intellect. When I let myself slip into shame and guilt, I shut my intellect down, the line is cut off. It is as if I am too embarrassed to face or accept help even from God. But, let me remember that He is my Father! He doesn’t suffer from body consciousness and is therefore non-judgmental and unconditional. In fact, Baba had been waiting for me to realize this sanskar so that He could help me. Unless I realize something I won’t do anything about it because I simply don’t see it. So as soon as I realize and with an honest heart, put it in front of Baba, He gives me the tools to address it. I might glance at a Murli and see exactly what I needed, I might run into someone who shares a story with me that offers me hope and a way forward, it might be a class I listen to that just speaks to me…it might any different way but He helps. But unless I have a clear line of the intellect, I will deprive myself of this extra power, this lift, of God’s blessings.
There are many things that can be damaging to my spiritual progress but perhaps, none quite as much as when my inner world is not in harmony with what I project outward. That is even more dangerous than even gossiping about others, because this disharmony, this need to hide, this fear does not allow me to come close to anyone. I cannot love anyone and I find that everyone else feels uncomfortable around me too because they never get access to the real me. Being the same inside and out is called honesty and cleanliness, He explains.
So let me with an honest heart, look inside myself. Those things that bother me, that frustrate me, that make me dislike others, that cause me stress and bring that feeling of heaviness – what is the root of that? Let me reflect, realize and then, with honesty and faith, place it in front of my Father. He is the Purifier, He has come to purify the soul and clean away all the rubbish. As that happens, the burden on the soul becomes lighter and lighter and I fly to Baba.