Die alive

Baba says, ‘Truly to die alive means to die to the old world and old sanskars in your thoughts and dreams for all time. To die means to transform.’

For half a cycle, I lived body consciously and it made me very unhappy. It completely bankrupted me of my inheritance and left me begging for that which was mine. Then the Father came and reminded me: ‘You are a soul, not the body. Stop seeing yourself and others as bodies.‘ I lost everything because I forgot who I am; when I remember, I transform and claim it all back.

This is what dying alive means, it means to be dead to the old sanskars, to be dead to the attraction of the old sanskars and the old world. It is one thing, Baba says, to say that I have died alive but a completely different thing to actually be dead. When I have really, truly died, it shows up in the form of complete transformation. Then, when a situation comes which would have typically made me angry or irritated, it doesn’t have that effect on me anymore. I stay calm and peaceful. If I still get angry like I used to before, that means that I only thought I was dead but am really not. Sometimes, I tackle one thing but another thing takes it place. I then tackle that thing, then two other things take it’s place. As a memorial, it is shown that when one head of Ravan is cut off, it is replaced with another. So here, too, one thing finishes and something else is created again in its place. Then I think: But I’ve killed Ravan already! So where did this come from? Living this way becomes a struggle and feels exhausting. ‘Yours is an easy yogi life‘, Baba reminds me, ‘not one of labor and battling sanskars.

The reason I have to labor is because I have not finished the main foundation of body consciousness. I have not pulled out the roots, so to speak, I am battling each leaf, trying to change each one. I listen to Baba and think: ‘I have to be happy, I have to be sweet, I have to be patient..’ but that’s the hard way and not sustainable. It’s better to focus on getting the foundation right and firm. Baba says, ‘Become bodiless! Die! die to this old world, that is, die to body consciousness, belong to Me.‘ Simply modifying outward behavior by force does not bring about transformation, it actually makes me sad and tired. I feel like a sacrificial lamb. For example, I might think that I want to overcome anger and stop talking to people altogether or I smile outwardly, but inside, I’m seething, I’m hurting. Real transformation requires a heart transplant, it requires purification on the inside.

Only the one Father, the Purifier can perform this heart transplant and return me to my true form. He teaches me the pilgrimage of remembrance. By remembering Him, I experience His love which melts away the old, hardened sanskars and I return to pure gold. And so, He teaches, the effort has to be to remember, not in battling sanskars. The effort has to be in obeying the Father’s directions without questioning it, without doubting it. Yes, Maya will scream in my head and give me every logical reason why I shouldn’t obey but the effort is to obey anyway by remembering Who is telling me. This is dying alive- it is to remember who I am, it is to remember Whose child I am now and follow His direction.

As my level of purity grows, there is contentment and satisfaction. Then, Maya cannot attack me because there is no way for her to enter. I am full, I want nothing, I need nothing that Maya can use as leverage. Complete purity of thought, attitude, vision, behavior, Baba says, is spiritual royalty. No matter what type of situations come before me to make me discontent, I am so full and satisfied that I will not be bothered. In fact, I will try to make the others who are discontent, contented as well. Just as the worldly royalty don’t bother engaging with trivial matters, while seeing something, they don’t see it or while hearing something, they don’t hear it, similarly, Baba says, spiritually royal souls will never waste their time or energy on trivialities either. They will never get involved with bad company that pulls them down into ordinariness. My vision will never be drawn toward anything insignificant. This is dying alive to the old world and being born as God’s child, as royalty.

And so, Baba says, this dying alive is to choose life. It is to choose a liberated life, a life free from bondage to Maya. So why wouldn’t I want to die alive, why wouldn’t I want to fly into the Flame and renounce the old world? Baba says, ‘on the one side, there is only sorrow and on the other side is life itself. Now, you decide, which direction you want to go in.

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