Baba says, ‘Only when you follow the Father’s shrimat can you be called worthy.’
When I came to Baba, I came with almost zero self-worth. I’d lost everything to Ravan- my identity, my sense of belonging, virtues, powers….everything. With no love, sustenance or guidance, I’d been living as an orphan in the unlimited orphanage run by Ravan. Then Baba came and reminded me of who I am- a pure, elevated worthy-of-worship soul, the master of the world, His child! Do I believe this? Do I believe in my own destiny? Baba says, ‘the Father has more faith in you than you have in yourself’. Just as I have faith in the Father, do I have faith in my own worthiness?
I have been living for half a cycle thinking wrong thoughts about myself and others, speaking wrong words, and performing wrong actions. No wonder I lost my self worth- I was expressing myself in ways that were misaligned with who I truly am. I am a pure, elevated soul but had been acting in impure, degraded ways. And so the quickest and really, the only way to regain my lost self-worth is to once again act in pure and elevated ways i.e. realign with my truth.
God comes as the Father, Teacher and the Satguru, three in one, to help me do just that. Only He knows the truth about me and the whole cycle. From being an orphan and fighting my way through life, I now receive direction and guidance at every step from all three! No more stumbling! In fact, says Baba, you don’t even have to think, simply obey. The more I obey, the more I am able to respect myself again because the more worthy I feel. This does not mean that I try to prove myself to anyone or even to God, no! He has already accepted me, He already loves me to the maximum, He already considers me worthy…if He didn’t, He wouldn’t have adopted me, He wouldn’t have made me His heir. But the way I experience my own worthiness is through transforming back from whom I have become to who I really am- from a child of Ravan to a child of God, from a beggar to a prince.
And so Baba says, ‘insure everything and become a trustee‘. A trustee uses everything he has but with the awareness that nothing belongs to him and that he has to use everything according to directions he has received from the master. When I have this consciousness of being God’s trustee, then I don’t allow even one second or one thought go by without it being ordered: this is called being obedient, says Baba. My every thought, word, action is according to direction. And God is with me all the time. He says, ‘ask Me before you do anything, take direction at every step‘. But due to being body conscious for half a cycle, I either think: ‘I know what I need to do…’ or ‘I’d rather not trouble God with small, silly things…He has big things to take care of’. Both are wrong. I’ve spent a long time following my own dictates i.e. going by what ‘I know’ or how ‘I feel’…it didn’t go very well. And God is not bothered when I go to Him, He is bothered when I don’t. He is here just for me, He is longing to be part of every tiniest aspect of my life and liberate me from actions that cause sorrow and suffering.
And so Baba says, ‘become the child.‘ When I am the child, I don’t have a problem with listening to and following my Father’s directions. It is when I think I’m all grown up that I believe I know or have a hangup with taking help. I am the Father, I am All Powerful and I am here, so why, He asks, do you ask others for their opinion or help?! Check, He says, to what extent you have become the child or the trustee i.e. to what extent you have become faithful and obedient. God is my only reference point at this time, only He knows the right way to be. Let me follow Father. If the love of the intellect is constantly with the One, you cannot be colored by the company of others, He points out. And what’s more, it’s easy because in the One, there are all three relationships- the Father who sustains me, the Teacher who teaches me and the Guide who guides me at every step. All three are supremely loved and since they are all in One, it should be easy to remember Him and follow His direction. When I do, I realize my own worthiness. He knows it already and when I do too, I become liberated.