Winning the scholarship

Baba says, ‘make effort to win a scholarship‘. Only a few claim scholarship.

The same Teacher teaches all the students the same study and yet, not everyone claims the same score. Only a handful claim a scholarship, He says. What is the difference?

The children that claim the scholarship are those who do everything for world benefit whereas those who come after them are ones who praise the children who do that work and praise the work itself, He says. There is a difference, He says, between doing something directly and doing something indirectly. If I am someone who only says the right things, thinks nice things…I will be known within my circle as a nice person, a supporter but will not be someone who is seen as an example. There is a difference between saying, ‘yes, it should be like this’, ‘yes, I should become like that’ and actually being that. There is a difference between ‘it should be..’ and ‘it is..’.

The biggest barrier between me and the scholarship is ordinariness.

Baba tells me one thing about me, I believe something else. He tells me that I am a pure, peaceful, loveful soul with divine qualities. He tells me that I am an angel that will bring about world transformation. I hear those words each morning, feel really good about them, embark upon the journey and then come the papers. I get to work and someone says or does something that was unfair and I have a hard time letting it go. The next hours, maybe even days or weeks go by brooding about what happened, how so and so took away what was rightfully mine etc. A situation comes and I shake: why me!, how could this happen?, can this too happen? I understand the knowledge of the drama, I might even say ‘drama’ with my mouth but I am not an embodiment of the knowledge. Baba gives me Shrimat for every single thing in my day and yet routinely, I mix in dictates of my own mind justifying it with: this is the real world, one has to be tactful, Baba knows…

Sometimes, I have the knowledge but lack the power to execute and other times, I lack even the willingness to execute…it feels like I have too much to lose by walking away. Either way, because I know I didn’t think, speak or act as recommended, I feel shame, guilt and even reject myself: Baba, I am no angel. You don’t know what I’m like…you are better off trusting someone else…

Become sensible, says Baba. I have told you who you are, now, remember. Unless you realize yourself, you cannot fully know Me or connect with Me, He says. Then, I deprive myself of the experiences with the Father, I deprive myself of the attainments, of the power. And because I lack spiritually, I try to fill the gaps in the old other words, I continue to search for attainment in the old world. That is why when Baba asks me to walk away, I find it hard. I continue to hustle for that promotion knocking on doors, I continue to lust after perishable wealth or fame, I long for belonging in temporary relationships, I follow gurus. In other words, I trade off my true spiritual identity for temporary identities in the old world.

So long as I am bound to the old world through one or more of these strings, I cannot become a self-sovereign, I cannot be a ruler of the self. I will remain subservient to the senses, to the sanskars. The Father says: I am the Lord of the Poor. Poor doesn’t refer to lack of money, it refers to a lack of self-respect, of self-worth, of dignity, of sovereignty. I come to make you, He says, into masters of the world.

I regain my sovereignty through purity – of thought, word, action, attitude. Purity comes from remembrance of the One. He is my Father, Teacher and Guru. He cares for me, teaches me and also decorates me with all the virtues and powers. The more I study and stay in remembrance, the more I take His hand and His company, the more powerful I become, the more I regain my identity. You become like diamonds through this study, why do you chase after shells?, asks Baba. The more I remember, the more I unclench my fist and let the shells I’ve been holding on to, roll off.

At this time, Baba is willing us, His children to step into our elevated destiny, to step into His vision of us. Let me not get in my own way. Let me listen, understand and then realize. He is not telling me anything new, He is not telling me something that I am not. I just have to remember, recognize and realize. Once I do, once I regain my spiritual identity, my sovereignty, then I approach life differently – I hold the reins, I take charge. I become an inspiration to others, an example. In other words, I win the scholarship.

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