Past is past

Baba says, ‘past is past‘. Don’t worry about the past but continue to move forward.

Before I came to Baba, I was an orphan in Ravan’s kingdom. I had lost everything precious to me – my self-respect, my dignity, my very identity. I made poor choices and compromises, let myself be convinced that I had to be a certain way to please others so they would accept me. I just wanted to belong, be loved, accepted. That’s what Ravan does- he makes you believe that you are insignificant and makes you trade every ounce of your own dignity in exchange for things you already own. He makes you believe love, peace and belonging are all out there somewhere.

Then, Baba came and reminded me of who I am and Whom I belong to. He reminded me of my elevatedness, of my virtues and powers.

As I move along on the journey of self-realization, as I learn better, I come face to face with my past, those choices I made, the consequences of those choices- the betrayal, the hurt, the pain- and I feel a rage against the people that betrayed me, that caused me the pain…against the world that is so ‘unfair and unjust’. And almost in that same moment, I realize I am really angry at myself for not having known better. I feel shame and regret for having been ‘the stupidest person in the world’. How could I have allowed myself to be taken for granted? I should have been stronger…, I should have been smarter…., how did I miss the flags!

I carry this agonizing burden inside my heart and it overwhelms.

But here’s the thing I’ve got to…got to remind myself: I couldn’t have known something before I had learnt it! I cannot know something before I know it. Yea, I messed up because I didn’t know any better! But that’s not the important part…what’s important is that I know now. And so I’ll never be making that mistake again!

Let the past be the past, says Baba. Don’t turn your face toward it, love forward and move forward. This is important because looking back, holds me back. Yes, thoughts do come, those things did happen. But once the thought comes, it is my choice whether to entertain it or let it go. Do I want to allow myself to feel like a victim or harness my spiritual power that I now have to move forward? What is the narrative I want to feed myself?

Remember the One and you will be able to move forward, He says. Since coming to Baba, I’ve had many attainments through and experiences with Him. Let me keep those in front of me. Let me remember that my story is not limited to these few scenes of this one birth. Mine has been a long journey. When I spin the discuss of self-realization, I see my whole story- that’s being sensible. When I instead focus on just the last few scenes and judge myself based on that, it’s being insensible and very irresponsible.

How so? Because I delay my own journey forward. I become stuck. The Supreme Father, the Supreme Guide is here. He is here to take me in His boat away from this world of sorrow. That’s the point right? to be liberated from the sorrow and suffering? So then why do I insist on inflicting it upon myself? When I choose to look back at the old world, I am keeping Him waiting and my destiny waiting. Just get in the boat!

Sometimes, I get caught up in little things- he said/she said something rude and I keep dwelling on it: ‘how could they have..’ or fussing over something I could have done better myself: ‘I should have made a better presentation..’, ‘I should have said that better..’, ‘I was rude..’. Yes, I made mistakes, I could have done things better…let me learn and move on. Rewinding them repeatedly in my mind is not helpful, it is frankly an indulgence, a form of laziness. It is the new way Maya attacks me now that I am no longer in her kingdom. You are at the confluence, Baba reminds me. You are no longer in the old world…so don’t go back there. Learn what you need to and move forward. Maya tries to distract me from Baba by making me believe I don’t deserve Him, I am no good, I am stupid and all the other lies. Let me be powerful, let me put a FULL STOP. Get in the boat!

There is soooo much goodness in my life with Baba. And He is not somewhere up there, far away, He is right here with me. God, the Almighty Authority, the Ocean of Happiness is with me. He knows my story, He knows what I’ve been through, He knows the mistakes I’ve made or the poor choices I’ve made. I don’t need to feel ashamed, He knows. And guess what! He DOESN’T CARE! He cares about getting me to the other shore. I’ve come to re-establish the original, pure world, He says. I’ve come to give you back heaven. That’s where you belong, He tells me.

He has such an elevated vision for me, He thinks so highly of me, He wants nothing less than heaven for me, He wants nothing less than peace and happiness for me. Let me become sensible and step into His vision, see myself and for myself the way He does. Let me not keep Him and myself at the shore of this old world anymore. Let me keep learning and move forward. He’s waiting to take me to the other side, let me get in that boat.

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