Baba says, ‘I am the Lord of the Poor, I want everyone’s sorrow and poverty to end‘. Sorrow and poverty cannot be reduced except through knowledge.
For half a cycle, I chased one goal after another, one relationship after another because that’s what I thought I needed to do. That’s what was expected of me to belong in this world and so I tried endlessly. But there was always another goal, there was always someone better who got the job, the part, the house, the…and I was left chasing again. There were times when I felt this made no sense, that I’m just going to stop but I didn’t. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be worth anything or mean much and I so desperately wanted to be worth something.
Baba comes and completely turns this myth on it’s head. He reminds me that I am a soul, that I am His child. You are already worthy, your worth cannot be measured in these old worldly terms, He tells me. Return to your original conscious, to soul consciousness. He tells me my whole story- the golden age all the way down to the current confluence age. I love it! I am so relieved. I knew something was off, now God Himself had told me the truth.
But the thing to check is: did I just hear Him and feel happy? or do I actually believe Him? Do I believe, deeply, in my bones, His story about me?
If I don’t, then I still hold on the old worldly beliefs about what makes me worthy and carry that forward to my spiritual life. I look around and see Baba’s children – it seems that each one has a special skill, they gives classes, speeches, can wake up at 2am and go to bed at 11pm. And once again, I look at myself and ask that same question: what is my role? where do I fit in? maybe I should learn to be like her or him…
You are now being given the awareness that, since the new world is being established, the old world has to be forgotten, He says.
Unless I believe His story, believe it to be my truth, I will not let go of the old beliefs. I will continue to chase because I know how to do that, I’ve done it for so long. But I am also experienced at how worthy that makes me feel? not very. And for how long? fleeting at best.
When a soul does not experience being worthy, it is poor. I am the Lord of the Poor, says Baba, I come to purify those who are impure by giving knowledge. Sorrow and poverty cannot be reduced except through knowledge.
If I believe what He has told me about myself, I will start being that. Yes, I haven’t been that in a while but that’s why He is reminding me every day. That is why He is giving me instructions every day on everything from how to think, feel, act. And He doesn’t just give me instructions, He guides me at every step. But when I start on the path and fall short a few times, the negative self-talk starts: ‘this isn’t for me’, ‘this is hard’, ‘this sanskar is too powerful, I can’t seem to overcome it’. The lesser I believe in myself, the easier that negative talk comes and the louder it is. So then, I settle for less, I stop trying. This is how I create obstacles for myself and consequently, remain poor.
Baba says, ‘make a firm determined thought that you will remain obstacle free, that you will stop negative and wasteful thinking‘.
I am not taking this journey alone, He is with me. He is the Purifier and has committed to purifying me but I have to co-operate by not stopping. Let me start with even just a little faith, the size of a mustard seed, and hold on it. I am an elevated soul, I am a powerful soul, I am a loveful soul. Yes, I am that! Then, with determination, let me follow His guidance. Determination means I don’t make excuses about how something doesn’t work in the ‘real world’, I resist mixing in dictates of my own mind and simply follow. Then, it is not possible that I don’t see change! It is not possible that I don’t experience the chains that were holding me hostage, breaking away! I feel confidence, strength, freedom, authority. I feel my original qualities that I had forgotten I possess, re-emerge.
I feel proud of who I am becoming. I had indeed forgotten who I am, now I see myself re-emerge and I like what I see. I respect myself again and it now has nothing to do with material accomplishments, it is not dependent on anything external. The more I realize myself, I more I believe…that mustard seed becomes a few seeds and then a sack and so on…and I want to change more, it is a virtuous cycle. I no longer look to Baba for ‘mercy’ like I used to in bhakti, I stand up on my own two feet. Then, I enjoy this knowledge because I see the income it is generating for me. I am becoming rich! and not just for this one birth but this is wealth, in fact, the only wealth, I take with me through the whole cycle.
I was an orphan before, now I belong, now I have my inheritance. There are many in this world who can give money and clothes, says Baba, they collect a lot of funds which are then donated to orphanages. But an orphan does not become rich through this. I am the Lord of the Poor, I give them something through which they can become wealthy forever.