Sensitive nature

Baba says, ‘Maya doesn’t leave anyone alone; she makes them like a “Touch-me-not” plant‘. She completely kills some.

One of the great lessons of childhood is how to get along with others. I learn how to harmonize, to compromise, to adapt, to assert, to reconcile. I learn it in the classroom and on the playground. At that age, when I’m still opening my eyes to the world, making my debut on the playing field if you will, I can get afraid sometimes, surprised, shocked, disheartened when I come face to face with the various sanskars. I don’t yet know what to do, how to be, what any of this is. Then, I go to my parents or teacher complaining about what someone said or did to hurt me. They too listen to me, even help me – sometimes buy me something to make me feel better after I hurt myself, sometimes reprimand the other kid for their fault, etc. Then, they teach me what to do or say, how to protect myself next time something like that happens.

But that’s childhood. You are now in your stage of retirement, Baba reminds me. Sensitiveness is acceptable when it’s a child. However, sensitive behavior or childishness does not look good on adults! Am I still being childish?

Am I still stuck in what she/he said, surprised at how someone could have done something like that, struggling with ‘why’ something happened the way it did, disheartened with ‘why me?’ etc. Often it’s trivial matters – someone says something, I can’t take it. I am so hurt by it that I decide that it’s either them or me. I even leave a project or responsibility that I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into just because I couldn’t get along with someone. I’d rather leave than learn to compromise, or adapt. I’m set in my ways.

Sensitive nature is the great Achilles heel of Brahmin souls. I work so hard to create my stage, and then there is that one incident, that one person, that one mistake and it’s a free-fall from that high stage to the ground. In just one second, I lose all that happiness, all that joy and feel like a million broken pieces.

The power of tolerance is the armor with which to protect yourself from all obstacles, says Baba. Often though, I find myself unable to access my power. ‘Be seated on your seat and then order‘, He says, ‘then, it is not possible that the orders don’t obey‘. The issue I have to pay attention to is that as soon as something happens i.e. the trigger occurs, I jump off my seat….my seat of self-sovereignty. ‘You are the master almighty authority‘, Baba reminds me, ‘you have received all powers from the Father as a blessing‘. The next time that person, that situation, that whatever comes in front of me, let me practice remaining seated. If I can do that, I’ve already 90% there. Then, I don’t get afraid or even care much for the sanskar, I care about the soul. I try to see what is really causing the reaction and try to address it with maturity. I don’t see others as my opponent, I see them as my brothers, children of the same Father. I learn to work with them. In fact, I prioritize the relationship over the task or over any success metric.

The key to remain seated is being full. If I am hollow or empty inside, I will roll over and fall easily. But if I am full inside with all the attainments – the experience of all relationships with Baba, full of knowledge, all the virtues and powers, then I remain seated. I don’t get afraid, I don’t shake. ‘You have the suffix ‘full’ after every title‘, Baba reminds me. I am knowledgefull, powerful, lovefull….When I am full, I don’t care about trivial things, I let it go. When I am empty inside, when I am lacking, anything small can set me off.

Storms will come, Baba says. But why do you become afraid of them?, He asks. Remain in the awareness of who you are and Whom you belong to.

When I allow my sensitive nature to go unchecked, I will find that I become alone. No one wants to interact with sensitive or moody people because you never know how they are going to react. When I become isolated, I become depressed, I sulk, I cry in my mind. It’s like a touch-me-not plant…a little touch shuts it down. It can even get to where I am fed up, I tell Baba things like ‘I don’t want to live anymore’, ‘how much longer..’, etc. To even have such thoughts is a great sin, says Baba.

This is the confluence age when I, the soul finally unite with the eternal Beloved, the eternal Companion after a full cycle of separation. If I am unable to experience happiness now, when will I be able to do so? If I don’t feel carefree now with God here, then when will I be able to? ‘Never let go of your happiness’, Baba reminds me, ‘hold on to it with stubbornness’. Let me not waste these precious moments of the confluence over trivial matters. Let me remain full of all the attainments of this time. Let me touch base with my own elevated destiny and connect with the Father.

Baba has taught me to spin the cycle of self-realization and look at myself through the whole cycle. Let me not allow myself to be influenced by a few isolated scenes of the story and decide I don’t like the whole story- that is childishness. Instead, let me see every scene as an opportunity in the drama to use the knowledge He has given me. Only when I use knowledge does it become power. Let me never forget my story, that I am a sovereign. Let me remain seated on my throne and summon the point, the power. I’ll find that they are eager to serve. You are not a sensitive soul, He says, you are a powerful soul.

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