Become a blotting paper

Baba says, ‘He is such firstclass blotting paper for the whole world’. Everyone remembers Him. 

We come to Baba with a lack of identity and belonging. He gives me both- you are a pure, peaceful, loveful soul, He says, and you belong to Me. It’s a powerful thing to feel that you belong to someone or something, it’s the scariest thing to feel alone, like a misfit.

Up until Baba, it was hard if not impossible to fit in…anywhere. Why? I was trying to fit in based on the criteria of the world- nationality, looks, status, bank balance, job title, education etc. There was always someone better, the rules constantly changed…I had behave in ways that went against the values of the soul. But I was willing to turn the other way because I had to belong.

Baba came and changed all that in a second. You already belong to the drama, He told me. You don’t have to pay a tax to be here, you are integral to the drama, you play a unique role that only you can play. Then, He said the unthinkable…I need your help, He said. You are the instrument to bring about transformation, He told me. He fulfills all my relationships, ensures all my needs are met as my Father, He comes personally to teach me every single day as my Teacher, He is my Friend, Companion, He is whatever I need Him to be any time, all the time. I make mistakes along the way, I go against His direction….knowingly sometimes…yet, He never wavers in His love for me, His vision for me remains elevated.

He makes me truly belong. He nurtures. He loves unconditionally. He accepts me as I am. I don’t have to pretend or prove anything. It’s like He sucks away all the hurt, the pain, the suffering, the rejection, the fear….of half a cycle like a blotting paper. He returns me to myself.

But when I reject myself, I am depriving myself of experiencing His love, this belonging that I was seeking for so long and have now found. Yes, I will make mistakes but the wise soul will observe and change, not reject. That is the most body conscious and violent sanskar against the soul. It shows me that I still measure myself by the standards of the old world. And when I reject myself, I will inevitably reject others too.

I might not do it overtly but I do in other ways- I tend to exclude people: I will hang out with you, include you in my meetings because you co-operate with me, because you agree with me but I won’t include someone else. I will have preferences: I prefer her a little more than you. Someone criticizes me which is bound to happen sometime and immediately, I feel insulted, hurt, upset and after that each time I meet that person, I carry that feeling within me. I’m never able to give them unadulterated love, it’s always colored, a little polluted. Sometimes, I cut someone mid sentence as they are speaking because I feel I understand or that I’ve heard enough. In doing so, I slight the other person. Sometimes, I say something hurtful ‘jokingly’ and then brush it off saying, ‘just kidding!’. Sometimes, I give someone the cold shoulder, pretend like they don’t even exist because I don’t like something about them. My vision gives out feelings of judgment when I look at people- as if I am approving or disapproving. Someone offers an idea, I act uninterested or act dismissive. Someone makes a mistake and I use that to call them out, tell others about it rather than merge. I condemn.

With every act of body consciousness, I leave stains on souls, on their hearts because somewhere, I carry a stain within me. These stains of exclusion, of subtle rejection, of putting down, of rejection create a huge burden on me and on others. The distress of souls weighs me down, I don’t feel good about myself, I lose self-respect.

Your stage must be so sweet that anyone who comes would say: Baba’s children are blotting paper, says Baba. This is His wish for me, this is how I help Him in His task. I do for others what He did for me.

I reject myself because somewhere I still haven’t experienced His love fully. When the soul isn’t full of true love, hasn’t yet felt complete belonging, it will continue to seek it outside in the old ways again. I have let go of the gross things outside but I subtly bring in the ‘I and mine’ into my spiritual life. I once again try to find my identity and belonging based on my role, my responsibilities, my position, by whom I know, by the number of lectures I give etc. And so, I am a Brahmin, I am Baba’s child, I follow the disciplines and yet, I feel very heavy inside. This is because I am back to defending and protecting my ‘position’ that I have created and I lose my joy. This heaviness then comes out in ways that does not give other souls an experience of belonging, it makes them heavy too, it makes them feel separate.

You mustn’t cause anyone sorrow to anyone in your thoughts, words or deeds, says Baba. You children have to give everyone happiness. The Father says: Be soul conscious! Remember the Father. Simply remember the lovely Father and your sins will be burnt away and you will become the masters of the world. God says: Manmanbhav! Constantly remember Me alone and also remember your inheritance! Don’t talk about anything else amongst yourselves! Simply remember the Father and benefit others!

Yes, Baba comes and makes me belong to Him, He is present here for me. But I have to nurture this love, this belonging through remembrance. He has done the difficult task, the magic of transforming the mind that was once a prickly jungle of thorns into a garden of beautiful flowers. He has done this already but it is my responsibility to cultivate this garden, to tend to it, ensure the weeds don’t crop up, insects don’t attack, that the flowers don’t dry or wilt.

I do this by incorporating moments of introversion and solitude throughout the day, I step in to connect with myself and then move upward to connect with the Ocean of Love. Remembering my original qualities, the Father, my inheritance is the fresh breeze, the sunlight that my garden needs. His love is the water the flowers need. When I keep myself nourished, refreshed, joyful, healthy, I become able to nourish others.

In other words, to the extent that I am body conscious is the extent to which I am not me, it is the extent to which I cannot belong to myself or make others belong to me. At this time in the cycle, the Father wants me to be His angel. An angel is detached from the old world and loved by the Father and all souls. Everyone who encounters an angel feels that they belong to that angel, they feel loved, cared for. They feel the Father’s love, they experience pure soul-conscious love. They feel strength where there was weakness, they feel courage where there was fear, they feel co-operation where there was opposition,…they feel hope where there was hopelessness.

Remember Shiv Baba! Use this blotting paper, He says. The most important thing is to become pure. It is because we carry so many stains from half a cycle that we called out to the Father to come and purify us. He is the blotting paper for the whole world, not just for a few. He purifies all souls and takes them back home. The medicine that the Father gives is for everyone. Baba says, give everyone you meet this medicine.

My brothers and sisters have a right to this medicine of the Father’s love just as much as me. They are waiting for this medicine to heal wounds, to get rid of the heaviness, become light and fly home with the Father. Can I become the blotting paper that can absorb the stains? Can I become the Father’s instrument to return souls to themselves?

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