Baba says, ‘You have found the unlimited Mother and Father and have thereby received patience.’
There are times on this journey when it seems as if no matter how much I try to do the right thing, the wrong thing happens. It seems that I am surrounded by people who press all the ‘right’ buttons that trigger the worst reactions within me. I know I am reacting the wrong way but it’s as if I am powerless to stop myself. Further, it seems everyone else in the world is getting their things done on time but when it comes to mine, there is one obstacle after another. Those people don’t even know God and here, I am His child! and yet, nothing seems to be going smoothly- neither my tasks nor my sanskars are in order.
I wonder: am I such a bad person? what am I doing wrong that all this should happen? I bet I am Baba’s most difficult child! Maybe I’m not really a Brahmin after all? The unlimited Mother and Father gives me patience. On this journey, there are three things a Brahmin needs to make it all the way: patience, patience and more patience!
The Father is the Purifier; the very reason He comes is to purify me and take me back home. Then, I come into the new world, the pure world. He uses situations and people to purify me; they are the detergent and brush He uses to get the dirt off me. Sometimes, I find myself living next door to someone who seems to get everything done smoothly and in a jiffy. She needs something done, she makes a call and voila- someone arrives and problem fixed! When I, on the other hand, need something as small as a leak fixed, no one picks up the phone and it takes a whole week of cleaning up due to the leak before someone shows up. And just to make it extra special, the neighbor will see me struggle and ask if I need any help! Similarly, her garden always looks full and healthy- flowers in full bloom and a vegetable patch so healthy, don’t even ask! My garden on the other hand seems infected by termites or maybe ants or bad soil or something else.
Can I still keep a good attitude? can I still stay in faith?
Sometimes I don’t realize that I can be affected by these things, but I am. And God uses these situations to show me; not to frustrate me but rather to help me get strong, to help me increase my faith, to build my spiritual muscles.
At work too, I worked really hard for that project, went above and beyond, exceeding all expectations. Yet, when it came time for that promotion, the person who was least qualified, with the least experience got it. That’s a head scratcher! ‘What?! her?! of all people, her?! Why God, why? what did I do wrong? I deserved the promotion, she didn’t. So how come she got it?’ Let me not forget how many things the Father gave me or did for me that I didn’t deserve either. What He did for me, He can do for her and then for me again at the right time. Right now, He is using that promotion to show me something about me- that jealous attitude, that ‘I am better than her..’ attitude, that ‘who deserves what..’ judgment, that attachment to an outcome etc. etc.
The longer I live, the more I realize that God doesn’t care nearly as much about the promotion, or about the garden or about the circumstance as much as He cares about me. He uses them to grow me, to build my spiritual muscles up, to prepare me for something bigger. Let me not tie my worth to a limited thing such as a promotion or ability to grow a garden or something else and feel disheartened. None of that has anything to do with how good I am or how much the Father loves me; it’s simply a test. Let me pass it. The Purifier is busy cleaning me up, let me offer Him my co-operation by staying put. Yes, things look anything but favorable but I live by faith and not by sight. I know the Father is right there with me. He never promised that there wouldn’t be storms or fires but He did promise to walk through them with me. And when I get to the other side, all that’s burnt are those negative attitudes, that tendency to doubt etc. and I come out liberated from those bondages.
But then I think: ‘well, that all sounds good and yes, I do want to be purified but what about all the time it’s taking? Others seem to be busy as Baba’s instruments in service and here, I am not even ready for Him to use me!’ Let me realize that God knows what He is doing. My impatience is not going to make Him hurry up, so I might as well settle down and get comfortable. He does things His way, on His own timing. He knows how to use me, for what and when; In fact, He is preparing me for just that, so let me rest easy. The bigger my aim, the bigger the task, the more preparation it takes. I haven’t delayed anything, I am not late for anything, I am right on schedule. Let me keep the faith that I am not ordinary, I am Baba’s special child. He is getting me ready for something big. He is in-charge, not me.
Baba says, ‘Only the Purifier comes and gives you these teachings. How else would we become pure? There, in those schools, you study for a short period and then you experience the reward of your studies in just this birth. Here, you are told: You have to study for as long as you live.‘ This study is not for this old world, it is for the new world. As such, let me not seek the reward of the study in the old world by thinking: ‘but I follow shrimat, so why didn’t I get that promotion or that recognition etc.’ That is not the path I am on. Baba says, ‘through this study, you reach your karmateet stage.‘ That is the stage where I don’t seek rewards, or long for a specific outcome, I simply do what the Father is telling me to do and let go. That’s being an angel. ‘Continue to churn the knowledge’, He teaches. The world right now is hell, that is heaven. I am at the confluence– preparing for the transition. By practicing this everyday, Baba says, my intellect will be enlightened.