Baba says, “Godly student life is the best.“
On this spiritual journey, there are times when I feel as if for every step I take forward, I take ten steps back. Yesterday, I felt I was ahead, that I was doing well and then all of a sudden, I feel behind. It feels as if even new souls are ahead of me now. Maybe I was wrong about being ahead this whole time? Baba, have I even moved an inch from the start line or has this all been a dream? I feel low, disappointed in myself, like I don’t have any more stamina to keep going.
And trouble usually seems to come in the area of relationships. There is that one person- usually someone close to me that seems to press all the ‘right’ buttons. I listen to Baba’s murli, I want nothing more than to do the right thing. I hear Him tell me to die alive, to be the first to change and so I swallow hard when that soul misbehaves. I even apologize for a mistake I’m sure I didn’t make, I continue to bow down but it feels as if the more I try, the worse it gets. Just as I feel I have finally figured out how to manage this relationship peacefully, they do something else that blows a fuse within me. I feel tired, exhausted, but more importantly, I feel terrible about myself. Why can’t I get this right!? Why am I not able to be the angel Baba wants me to be? I thought I would never get angry again, and yet, here we are again. Maybe, Baba ought to go find someone else…I don’t think I can be the instrument to help Him after all.
It wasn’t too long ago when I called out to Baba saying: “O Purifier, come and make us impure ones pure. Liberate us from this sorrow and take us to a place of peace and happiness.” Then, I was in the iron age, in Ravan’s world. Then, Baba came and found me and brought me into this most auspicious confluence age. This is completely separate and between the iron and golden ages. My boat, so to speak, is in the middle of the ocean right now; I am neither golden aged nor iron aged. I am a student preparing to become golden aged and my Teacher is God Himself. This confluence age is my time in school, it is my time to study to become a deity from a human being, and I have this very short birth in which to graduate. The higher my aim, the tougher the exam is; it’s just how it works. If my aim is to simply come into first half of the cycle, then that’s a different level of effort and the tests will be much easier. But if my aim is to be the most elevated creation of God, to be Lakshmi-Narayan, then I will have to face tests at that level. Indeed, it can feel relentless at times!
“But“, says Baba, “this Godly student life is the best life! You now have the whole knowledge in your intellect and so you should have so much happiness about what you are studying to become!” He is my Father and I am His long lost and now found child. He knows what I used to be, how elevated I was and so He knows that I can be that again. Let me realize that I will never face something I cannot overcome. The Father has come to make me free from sorrow for all time, He has come to make me constantly happy. For this, He shows me the evil spirits inside me- in all their forms- and shows me the way to chase them away. Sure, I might have conquered anger in 10 of its forms but if there is still a trace of it left somewhere, that one trigger that can still get me, then He is going to show it to me so that I am not deceived by it in the final exam. The Teacher’s goal is to prepare me to such an extent that no matter what questions come, that is, no matter what situations come through whatever kind of souls, I have to pass with honors. That is liberation-in-life, that is receiving and keeping my inheritance of peace and happiness. “So“, says Baba, “continue to remember the Father with a lot of patience.” The more I remember the Father, the sooner the evil spirits will leave me.
The Father is sweet and so He inspires me to be just as sweet. He is making me beautiful from ugly. “Give me the donation of the vices“, He says, “only then the omens will be removed.” Yes, I have to donate anger- fully and completely, to become peaceful- fully and completely. “There is no question of excuses in this“, He says, “you can conquer anyone with love. People are able to train lions and elephants with love! Here, you are studying to become a deity!“, He points out. The key, He teaches, is to learn to look at one another with a vision of brotherhood or of brother and sister. Then, I will not cause sorrow to another soul, no matter what. It is Ravan who is my enemy, not my brother. It is Ravan who is acting through them in ways that are wrong; it is him, I have to defeat, not my brother. I can only defeat anger with love. I can only love when I have enough love in me and I can only fill myself with unconditional, limitless, selfless love when I become the child, that is, when I consider myself the soul and remember the Father. “By having this remembrance, your boat will go across. This is the pilgrimage of remembrance.“, He reminds me.
The Father has come to give me that which I have lost, nothing new or different. I was that master of heaven and He has come to make me that once again! I have to have this faith. When I do, then I will also have faith that any situation that has come my way will only take me a step closer to my destination, not away. God doesn’t bring situations to me but He uses them to show me the impurities I need to get rid of, with His help. I become able to receive His help when I don’t allow myself to feel condemned, but rather remain in the awareness that I am a student, His student and that He will never allow me to fail as long as I stick with Him, and with the study. To give up is easy, but in doing so I cause myself a great loss. “I have come to make you into double crowned masters of the world, but you have to make effort for this”, He explains. “I will not place a crown on anyone. You have to give yourself a tilak of the kingdom through your own efforts.” The Father shows me the way to make effort; this is the way to make yourself a double crowned master. But it is up to me to pay full attention to the study.
“Never stop studying”, says the Father. “You are the students of the highest university, studying the highest study, with the Highest-on-High Teacher, to become worthy-of-worship deities. So, you have to become such regular student. Student life is the best! To the extent that you study, teach others and improve your manners, so you will become the best.” It is when I come into the awareness of the body that storms of Maya come, He explains. The Father only looks at souls, all are souls seated on their immortal thrones. I too have to look at others with the vision of brotherhood and this requires effort. Close the gates to body consciousness and the storms will stop, He points out. This is the journey. While walking and moving around, repeatedly look at your badge, Baba teaches, let it cling to your heart. Oho! I am becoming this through God’s shrimat! While looking at the badge, continue to love Him. Continue to say “Baba, Baba!” and you will constantly be aware that you are becoming this through the Father. This will enable me to keep things in perspective.
A teacher loves to teach. The better the teacher, the more they makes others like themselves and they would not get tired. I have the best Teacher! I just have to be fully present; this is the courage I need to have. “Each one’s fortune is individual, and so each one has to make individual effort“, He explains. I have to do my own full checking. When I do such checking, I am automatically engaged in effort night and day. My attitude is: “Why should I waste my time making excuses or being careless? As much as possible, I will use my time in a worthwhile way.” I make a firm promise to myself: I will never forget the Father. I will definitely claim a scholarship, I will go the whole way from beggar to prince of the golden age. “Such children“, Baba says, “will also then receive help“. The purification process is His help. When I see it that way, accurately, for what it truly is, then I don’t feel condemned or tired, I feel happy. Clearly, I must be God’s favorite student! He is thrilled to work with me and enable me to make that somersault; to enable me to become that which He and I both want me to become.